The Sex Snare, Stabilizing Hormonal Agents and the Brain

As I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating predicament and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to get love, and males use love to obtain sex." This is a fantastic summation of the "Sex Trap."

The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where songs analyze good sex as love. But those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther because for these singles, having sex carries immense significance and repercussions.

Singles fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 ways:

A.they believe sex is a required test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will ready as well).

B.more frequently, all consciousness heads out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed singles consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they have sex.
Rather than looking at whether this other individual might be a match on levels other than physical attraction-- such as long-lasting requirements, needs, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.

No doubt, it can be challenging to communicate with truth when all those hormones are cutting loose. Our body reacts to someone we are attracted to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts libido), makings the chance to make love with someone we are drawn in to very tough to withstand. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), which makes us feel extremely close to and bonded with our sex partner.

These chemical reactions are uncontrolled and strong , resulting in powerful feelings of destination, enjoyment, nearness, well-being, and love .

When problems arise, those who fall into the Sex Trap typically rationalize by thinking, "Well, we've got issues, but the sex is great!" They more than likely would not confess, however they focus on physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their primary scouting tools are sexual attraction and physical compatibility.

Barry North, an RCI coach who works mostly with gay males, says that a number of his customers have fallen under the Sex Trap.

" For gay guys especially in metropolitan areas, sex is readily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North states. Why waste your time visit if the sex isn't really going to be good?".

North includes, "I suspect this is a ' man' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to point out that chemistry is very important. Yet, chemistry is a offered that we can't control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it must be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry happen, though sometimes it can grow in time.

Songs who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry threat relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication subsides and truth hits.

To prevent the Sex Trap, you should balance your heart (and hormones) with your head. This means combining chemistry with common sense. While excellent sex is necessary for a sustainable relationship, you require to make your partner options by paying complete attention to your vision, objectives, requirements, and values -- while feeling all those interesting sparks!

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