The Intimacy Pitfall, Stabilizing Hormones and the Noggin

As I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating problem and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to get love, and guys use love to get sex." This is a great summation of the "Sex Trap."

The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where singles translate great sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther since for these songs, having sex brings tremendous meaning and repercussions.

Songs fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two ways:

A.they believe sex is a essential test of compatibility, (if the sex is good then the relationship will ready too).

B.more typically, all awareness heads out the window, and one or both previously level-headed songs consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they make love.
Rather than looking at whether this other individual might be a match on levels other than physical tourist attraction-- such as long-lasting requirements, needs, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.

No doubt, it can be challenging to keep in touch with truth when all those hormonal agents are running wild. Our body reacts to somebody we are attracted to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone (increases libido), which makes the chance to make love with somebody we are attracted to extremely difficult to resist. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), which makes us feel extremely close to and bonded with our sex partner.

These chain reactions are strong and uncontrolled , causing effective feelings of tourist attraction, excitement, nearness, love, and wellness .

When problems arise, those who fall into the Sex Trap often justify by thinking, "Well, we've got issues, but the sex is terrific!" They more than likely wouldn't confess it, but they prioritize physical intimacy and relate to the rest as optional. Their main scouting tools are sexual attraction and physical compatibility.

Barry North, an RCI coach who works mostly with gay males, says that many of his clients have fallen under the Sex Trap.

" For gay guys especially in metropolitan areas, sex is readily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North states. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be excellent?".

Nonetheless, North adds, "I suspect this is a ' man' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to mention that chemistry is important. Yet, chemistry is a provided that we cannot manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it must be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry occur, though often it can grow in time.

When the hormone-induced intoxication wears off and reality hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk relationship click to read more failure.

To avoid the Sex Trap, you need to balance your heart (and hormones) with your head. This implies combining chemistry with sound judgment. While good sex is crucial for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner options by paying complete attention to your vision, objectives, requirements, and values -- while feeling all those interesting sparks!

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