The Intimacy Lure, Balancing Hormones and the Noggin

As I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating issue and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to obtain love, and guys use love to obtain sex." This is a terrific summation of the "Sex Trap."

The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where singles interpret great sex as love. However those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further because for these singles, making love brings immense significance and repercussions.

Singles fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two methods:

A.they believe sex is a required test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will be excellent too).

B.more frequently, all awareness heads out the window, and one or both previously level-headed songs consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they have sex.
So, rather than looking at whether this other person might be a match on levels aside from physical attraction-- such as long-term requirements, requirements, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.

No doubt, it can be challenging to keep in touch with truth when all those hormonal agents are cutting loose. Our body reacts to someone we are brought in to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts sexual desire), that makes the chance to have sex with somebody we are brought in to incredibly difficult to withstand. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), which makes us feel a knockout post very close to and bonded with our sex partner.

These chemical responses are uncontrolled and strong , causing effective feelings of tourist attraction, enjoyment, love, nearness, and wellness .

However when problems develop, those who fall under the Sex Trap often rationalize by thinking, "Well, we've got issues, but the sex is terrific!" They probably would not confess it, however they prioritize physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their primary scouting tools are sexual attraction and physical compatibility.

Barry North, an RCI coach who works mainly with gay guys, states that a number of his customers have actually fallen into the Sex Trap.

" For gay men specifically in urban locations, sex is easily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North says. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be great?".

Nonetheless, North adds, "I think this is a ' person' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to explain that chemistry is necessary. Chemistry is a given that we can't manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it needs to be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry occur, though in some cases it can grow with time.

Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry danger relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication diminishes and reality hits.

To prevent the Sex Trap, you must balance your heart (and hormones) with your head. This means combining chemistry with sound judgment. While good sex is very important for a sustainable relationship, you need to make your partner options by paying complete focus on your vision, requirements, values, and objectives -- while feeling all those interesting stimulates!

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